So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
