took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
