this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
