Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
