maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
