I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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