Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
