There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
