I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
