The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
