Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
