no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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