What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
