in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
