Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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