i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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