he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
