sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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