I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
