She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
