Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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