I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
