he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
