Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
