So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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