i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
