I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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