News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He has the fingertips of a God
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