watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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