Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
