Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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