you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
