We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
