WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
