Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
