The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
