Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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