can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
did you just send me my own nude
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
