I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
