I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
