We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
