You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
