whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
