gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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