I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
