i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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