I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
