oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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