He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
