No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
